misunderstandings...

This blog was created as a place where I could vent my issues, anger and what not so that I don't explode in public...there was once upon a time where I would just explode and tables will be flying, chairs will be thrown, teeth broken, heads bleeding...I am not making any of that up...I was quite a violent 11 year old...but that was 6 years ago...

I learnt to control that when I started blogging, when I started talking to people about my problems...my unique viewers per week doubled from 100 to 200 in the past few weeks when I started blogging more often and posted up links everywhere...there are its pros and cons I guess but recently it landed me in a lot of cons...I almost lost my best guy friend in Aussie...but I'm glad some things were able to be sorted out last night...

anyway, I still haven't looked for a new house, haven't went looking for jobs, haven't helped Iris move and haven't cleaned my room...I've been waking up after lunch time, sleeping after 2am...I just feel damn lazy...cause I know there's nothing to do for the day...ok well there is but I'm just procrastinating it because I can...

p/s: I'm sorry...

p/p/s: I'm heading to PC Fair on the 4th & 6th Dec at KLCC, anyone wanna tag along? I'm driving =)

p/p/p/s: I somehow can foresee a future where people ask for each other's bb pins instead of phone numbers...haha

overwhelming...

There are so many things still on my mind right now...

on the one hand, our application for a house got rejected for the 3rd time...if not, I would have been back in Malaysia right now...but from the looks of it I'll still be here looking for a place for the next couple of weeks...

speaking of which, during this whole application for a house thing, I feel like I've been left out of the loop...they go apply for places without telling me or by telling me at the very last minute, they go view the place without inviting me & they tell me details about the place which will affect me very drastically at the very last minute...and best part of it all, I don't know what I did to be treated like this...I mean, I'm going to be living there too if you haven't noticed...but really, if you guys want to cut me out, give me notice so that I can make other arrangements because after all, I still need a place for the summer school I'll be attending...

I feel like they've been slowly pushing me aside, like for example, today...I found out that they were having the usual dinner party thing at Jenn's...and yeah, I wasn't invited =) I don't know what that whole deal is about but yeah, hopefully they'll let me in on it...

I try to be a friend but if this is how you guys treat friends, or maybe just me, then I'd rather not you know...so, tell me if you have a problem with me...if its something I can fix, I will cause after all, despite all the teasing, the mocking, the tough love stuff, I still love you guys...you guys helped me a lot through my 1st semester here & I thank you for it...

one of the other things that have bothered me was how I'm missing 2 of my friend's birthdays because I'm here...Happy Birthday Fatin & Nina (in advance)...you guys helped me throughout the later parts of high school, college & also uni...

and also I've been chatting with one of my juniors lately...she's 15...and the things we've talked about have been pretty risqué...but its all in the name of having fun =)

well, I guess that's about it...I'll be applying for jobs with Jasdeep & Victor on Monday...helping Iris move her stuff on Tuesday and I have no idea what I'll be doing for the other days till my family arrives on the 20th...which won't be very long now...just one more weekend...

Happy Halloween...

No, I don't celebrate it but the kids here do...

anyway, the reason why I'm posting is because I think I'm starting to lose myself...

when I think about it, am I really losing myself or am I just changing for the better?

when I first came here, I admit, I was a snotty little brat who decided to go overseas instead of staying put in Malaysia...so many dreams, so many plans I had for myself this year...but alas, I was still adjusting during the 1st sem...but what about the 2nd? well, the 2nd was spent with hanging out with too many different groups...having to split my time was kinda difficult but I managed...

anyway, I think I have matured, even only slightly, in my thinking...not everything is what it seems out here in the "real world"...people might not be to be who they appear to be on the outside (judging a book by its cover)...I learnt this the hard way...I was pleasantly surprised by how I misread a person by the way they appear...

I've also learnt that some friendships weren't as strong as you thought they were and also that some friendships just get stronger and stronger...made and lost a few friends this year =]

I am going to change the way I look as soon as I step foot on Malaysian soil where the clothes etc. are cheaper...going to get contacts, better clothes, smarter wear, good shoes etc...I can't look like a kid any more...I'm turning 18 for goodness sake...plus, dressing well gives you a certain confidence boost when approaching the ladies =)

unfortunately tho, I won't be able to hide the fact I'll only be 18 when they're definitely older than me =\ but hey, as long as I can avoid that topic, I think I'm all good =)

okay, this post has been really unsubstantial in my opinion so I'm gonna stop here...ta

p/s - in my mind, this post was supposed to be much much longer...

p/p/s - stats was shit today =(

PC vs Mac

I know I know...I'm meant to be studying for either law or stats right now but I'm not...instead, I'm watching "get a mac" ads on youtube...and these only just recently surfaced prior to the launch of Windows 7...

and you wonder why they have the sudden urge to pour out attacking ads...maybe they feel threatened and want to get people to commit to a mac before windows 7 gives them an ass whooping of the century...

the ONLY recurring theme about the "get a mac" ads are the viruses part...I mean if you think about it, we rarely get viruses...for me at least...coz I have an anti virus which is legally FREE...

crashes and bugs? well, that's what patches are for, aren't they? Macs don't need them cause the amount of software they support is next to none...what ever happened to freedom of choice? Mac takes it away from its users...

oh and Mac is bloody expensive even though the price of hardware keeps dropping day in & day out...

so, Mac, what do you think about that?

p/s: you're just an over glorified Linux distro...I'd rather have my Linux for FREE...

shot down...again

The owner did not want to rent the place out to 4 students...fuck man...with the amount of rent he was charging us, he could easily buy a new house...sigh

nice guys finish last

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy

true story.

http://con.ca/articles/544

counter argument. which actually has some punch to it.

http://www.mademan.com/she-playing-hard-get/

too true.

edited

oh noes...

I just checked my weekly stats and more Australians read my blog compared to Malaysians...

anyway...a couple of people have recently asked me regarding someone and what am I gonna do about it...well, I'm gonna say this once and for all, I'm not gonna do anything...she's my friend and I don't think I'm good enough...not when compared to him...

with that out of the way, today was the final uni day of the semester...as usual there was the End Of Semester Show which I couldn't attend due to my age restrictions while a bunch of people I know went for it =( sometimes I wish, I was born in January then all these things wouldn't happen...but then, everything happens for a reason right? when I think about it, if I was born in January 1992, I wouldn't have met all these amazing people from high school, from college and from uni...maybe I would have seen them around but I'll be 2 years their junior instead of being at the same level...but maybe I would have been much happier if I was among peers my age instead of being around older people who don't give you respect just because you're younger than them which automatically means that

you're not old enough/you're too young...

you don't have enough experience...

you're not mature enough...

you're not independent enough...

you still look at the world through rose tinted glasses...

you can be treated like shit...

you can be pushed around, made fun of...

you don't have feelings...full stop

anyway, I have my finals coming up in exactly a week...Stats -> Law -> MA -> M&O...going into the exam with a 81, 92, 65, 69% average respectively...I'm hoping to get 2 HDs and 2 Ds this sem...insyaallah, I will make more than enough effort to achieve my goals...to link this to my previous issue, I am here because I am smart enough...full stop

other things done this week includes house hunting with Jenn, Nic & Gary...we applied to a really sweet place 2 minutes walk from uni last week but we got rejected in the middle of this week...then, we applied for another house this week which is more expensive but much much nicer...I have a feeling we will get this one because it just feels right...

I will be coming back here on the 31st of December to do summer school on Company Law...the reason for me to do this is to experience summer in Australia at least once while doing something productive with my time, find a job before everyone else comes back, afraid of having nothing to do when I'm in Malaysia (because you can only go out so much), I need one slot to be free in my final year and this is one of the ways I can do that without putting 2 law units into one semester, to take care of the rented house because its going to be paid for regardless whether anyone is staying there...does that answer everyone's questions? Alessia, if you're reading this, you're kinda doing the same thing...I'm leaving Malaysia for Australia to do summer school which equals to you leaving Australia for Germany to do winter(?) school...

"48 more days"

"there was a line & you crossed it"

almost a year...

My best friend once told me,

"you've got to know how to differentiate between best friend and potential girlfriend, Ridz" - Nina Rahman

cause its pretty easy to fall for someone you're close to, you know? this is when things tend to get a little bit messy for me...even when I am able to differentiate them, they always seem to favour one side, the best friend side...I don't know whether this is a good thing or just very very gay...girls tell me a lot of things in general...things that are really deep and personal that some of their friends might not even know themselves...I'm not exactly proud of it but I try to be a good listener...I've also realised that guys who act like jerks tend to attract most of the girls that I am friends with =) the stories that I hear...wow...most of the time, in my head, I'll go, "can't you see there's a perfectly nice guy right in front of you???"...so, I don't know whether its because I'm too nice or I'm just fugly...I'm thinking both =\

point is...why can't your best friend be your girlfriend at the same time too?isn't that how its supposed to work?if I ever have a girlfriend, I wouldn't mind her having a best guy friend as long as she isn't cheating on me with each other cause that would really sting...

anyway, enough of that mumbo jumbo...I recently got my head shaved, again...3rd year running! I got mixed reactions from people but mostly positive...and since its getting warmer down under, I think shaving it was one of the better decisions I've made this sem...

a few mates & I have been house hunting...we've found this really sweet unfurnished house with 4 bedrooms, 3 minute walk away from school...we'll be submitting the application today...lets hope we get the place =)

I've also confirmed the summer school thing by buying the plane ticket back here on the 31st of Dec...I'm flying MAS after a LOOOOONG time =) gonna be applying for jobs while awaiting for the family to arrive on the 20th of Feb...

I've also finally passed my manual driving license...I just got the card 2 days ago...once I turn 18, I'm going to register myself as an organ donor =) despite all this, my dad is still VERY reluctant on getting me a car, so I won't push him for it anymore...

not again...

Okay...so people DO read my blog...but never mind...that's why I made the blog in the first place anyway...for people to read it...

what's done is done...no turning back now...learn from your mistakes, move on...

thing is tho, I keep saying that but I never seem to learn...I keep making the same wrong move, just with different people...and also different wrong moves with different people...its never ending...I never really learn my lesson...guess that's why I'm still 17 then, huh?

and I really should stop using my age as an excuse...I want people to treat me like any other person, not like a 17 year old but I still act like a 17 year old (or younger), at least that's what I use as an excuse for my immature actions...

"You're old enough to think for yourself, Ridz" - Nina Rahman

I guess she's right...I am old enough...

Must...Grow...Up!!!

funny story...

You know how you tend to overlook the flaws of someone you really like?well, I had one of those moments where I gave her the benefit of the doubt...well, that didn't turn out well now, did it...she totally screwed me over...I trusted her, she abused that trust...I've been rejected countless times before...you didn't have to lie to hint to me that you're not interested...just say so...then I wouldn't have to embarrass myself, hurting my ego along the way to ask you out...

that's what people do...

they like someone, they ask them out...

if the other person is not interested, he/she rejects the party that asks...

my point is you didn't have to lie...now that I found out that you did, well, that changes things doesn't it?

if only you hadn't lied, we could have been good friends...now, I don't know how to move on from this...

"if only you hadn't lied"

fucked

thread carefully...

Some time ago, Nina told me that I should be careful of what I type out on my blog...we got into a big fight about that, sort of...cause I told her that it was my blog and that its up to me what I want to post on here...we were not talking to each other for a whole week...it was quite bad...I remember whenever I wanted to say something to her, I'll just ask someone else to pass it on or write it on a piece of paper...I eventually said sorry in the end...and also told her to smack me if I ever do something like that again...

anyway, back to the present, I had dinner at a Mexican restaurant last night with my Singaporean friends...yes, the same one I asked you to, in case you were wondering and if you're reading this...I just wanted you to meet my friends...after all, I know most of yours already...

back to dinner, the occasion was Debra had to go back to Singapore cause she's already been here for a month already...we didn't even realise that a month has passed us by...time flies when you're having fun, you know...I remember last semester being much longer than this one for some reason...maybe it was due to the lack of fun and the extra orientation MONTH to get myself "oriented"...

the reason I started off this post with the Nina thing is because today, Annie told me that she's been hearing some crazy stuff about me...I was like "WHAAAAT???" and she also told me that she read my blog and then I went nuts...cause seriously, who reads my blog?! you guys AND girls should really tag the chatbox if you've visited, you know...its been dead for a while now...but yeah, someone other than Annie has also read my blog...besides them, my parents read my blog too!!! but since now I know that things like this can happen, I'm going to post things that are quite neutral on this blog and post other more interesting things on my other blog that's private =)...no touchy feely stuff...cause you know, sometimes, shit just happens...

darkest before dawn...

You know that age ol' sayin' about how its always darkest before dawn?

well, after that week, after handing in my law assignments, I got to know this really great girl that I sort of met on the Uni's discussion board last semester...

kinda made a bad first impression (still trying to make up for that) and also back then, I never got the chance to get to know her...

but that all changed this semester when Lin introduced me to Marissa & Annie...both of them were really close to this girl I like and slowly I found out things about her from M & A...then, eventually, we met for the 1st time in Law, with me introducing myself since M & A did not bother to introduce us...

slowly after that moment, I got to know her bit by bit...hour by hour...day by day...

what can I say about her...well, she's smart, chatty, knows how to have fun, and the whole nine yards...she rejected my invite to have dinner with my sg friends today...quite bummed about that...but what can I do...I already made the effort...next time when another opportunity comes up again, I'll be sure to ask her =)

I'm still not gonna give up on her until I'm sure that there's absolutely nothing I could do...besides, we're still at the getting to know each other phase =)

p/s: I really hope I don't mess this up...

homestay dad...not a perfect photo...my hands were shaky

taken using my Canon

taken using my Nokia

edited again

rollercoaster...

That's how my week was...a real rollercoaster...

on Monday, it was normal, with me doing law for a bit in the afternoon...

on Tuesday tho, it started the downhill fall...I went for a driving test to get my aussie manual license...I failed by one mark in each section...for not letting my signal blink for a minimum of 3 blinks and also for failure to blind spot check all the time...

on Wednesday, I had to pay for a broken couch I didn't even sit on during the road trip...

on Thursday, I got an email regarding the scholarship I was hoping so hard to get...I didn't get it...I also found out that in November, all 4 of my final exam papers will be held within 6 days...I can't apply for Sime Darby or JPA scholarship because I'm in UWA and not ANU/Monash/Melbourne/UNSW/UQ/USyd even though I got accepted into all of them...

on Friday, it slowly got better...played indoor soccer albeit a bit messy, it was fun...went to Metro City that night where everything was forgotten and I had even more fun...

that's all there is to report...

and Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin to all my muslim friends here and back home and all around the world...have a good one...coz I know I won't be...law assignment to finish =)

hates to fail...

I barely failed my 1st attempt for the practical driving assessment for WA.

Currently in a state of depression.